Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
