Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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