My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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