So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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