He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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