I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
