I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
