there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
