u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize