Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
