ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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