he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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