No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
