I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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