the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it was like eating out sand paper
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
