we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
