i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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