good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I enjoy the company of your penis
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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