I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
