Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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