my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
