How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
