So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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