chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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