If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
