She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
