i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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