So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we're making bets on your personal life
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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