are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
