you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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