That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
