It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
