Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
