I cannot find my penis.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
