I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
