I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize