I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
