I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
