I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
