If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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