We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
