is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
