Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize