Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
