Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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