My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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