It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
