This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
