i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
