shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
