i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
