well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
