she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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