Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
