She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
