Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
