You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
