Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
