i wish my penis had a tongue
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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