My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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