a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
