I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
