i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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