Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
