He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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