I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
