wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
