Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I deserve this hangover.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
