What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
