genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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