shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
