Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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