Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
