I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
