what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
