Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
