I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
no. you can't hotbox the world.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
