About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
