Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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