I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
