After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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