he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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