Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize