Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
