woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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