So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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