Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
